| i feel that i matter less and less.
no. not i.
'us'.
i feel like 'us' has no future
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| I haven't written in a long time.
lately, I've been feeling lonely.
I have one very close person to me in life.
Yet when he's not around, I feel like there's no one else around.
And I yearn for something.
For a certain kind of company.
For a certain kind of human I can interact with
Without feeling threatened.
It's so hard to make friendships now that last.
Especially when someone like I have had so many bad experiences
Where if I get close to someone they are hurt
And when they get close to me, I am hurt.
There's no neutral line.
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| At 9:30 this morning, I received a phone call from Sergio. It's January, so he's coming back around the 15th but won't be home for possibly an extra week or so.
He started off the New Year with a crazy idea for me.
"There's no denying in what makes us happy anymore," he said.
In the coming future, I'm going to move to Jacksonville to live with him. I would attend school and maybe transfer over to the ONE Starbucks there. If I'm able to.
Then he made another proposal... If we're financially unwell, we can do Justice and Peace, allowing us to receive financial aid and be lawfully wedded.
I said yes. =)
Then he said, "Before I go, there's one thing that I was going to ask you to do... but I don't want to make you over excited."
I pestered him for a few seconds and he finally said it:
Sergio: Okay, say your first name.
Me: Crystal...?
Sergio: Okay, now say my last name.
Me: OMIGOD ::hyperventilates::
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| Well...
I just finished one semester at Lang.
and i hated it. lololol.
I tried to make friends... everyone ignored me.
I was insulted.
People laughed at what I said.. and really looked down on me.
They thought I was weird...
I was insivible.
So I"m taking a semester off. yay for running away!!
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| I'm sick and tired pretending that I'm happy.
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